Hi, this is Rudy, the cute poodle. I woke up this morning feeling a little strange. I didn't know what it was, just something different.

Mommy came up to me and said, "Good Morning Rudy, how are you today?"

I didn't feel like answering. I thought, Bite me, so I bit her instead, chomping down on her big toe. As I ran away, I could hear her yelling, "Rudy!"

A few minutes later, I passed Daddy in the hallway. He said, "How's it going, Squirt?" and kept on walking. I thought, Squirt, I'll give you squirt-and left a nice puddle right in front of the bathroom door.

At breakfast time, I decided I was not going to get my meal last again. As soon as Daddy put my big brother Kirby's bowl down, I dove in.

"Rudy!" Daddy yelled, but I didn't stop. He had to grab me and pull me away from the bowl. As he did, I spit the remaining nuggets out at him.

When Martha Stewart came on TV, Mommy asked me if I wanted to watch her. I said, "I don't like Martha Stewart or her stupid dog, Francesca anymore. They're stuck up - I think they should go back to jail."

I found Buster Blue Bear in the middle of the floor. I picked him up and started chewing off his nose. I thought, I really wish I had someone to boss around, why can't I have a baby sister? Oh, that's right, we can only have 3 dogs. How can I take care of that? I had a great idea.

"Kirby, Dexter, would you like me to teach you how to fly?" I yelled.

They both came running. Great, this would be easy! I said, "Let's go out to the deck, there's a good place out there."

They followed me outside.

"Let's try it here, right over the cement, that's the best place. Kirby, since you're the oldest, why don't you go first?" I asked. I told him, "Run really fast and when you get to the edge, jump and hold out your legs and ears."

He did, and went somersaulting through the air, landing SPLAT, on the cement. I looked over the edge, "Are you all right, Kirby?" I said. He just groaned. Well, that didn't work.

"Dexter, do you want to try?" I asked innocently.

"No way!" Dexter exclaimed.

Think quickly, I thought. "Dexter, I hear Mommy yelling for you across the street. Here - I'll open the gate for you." I said. Out Dexter trotted. He had no clue what I was up to.

Before bed, I went outside. When I came back in Mommy said, "Say Rudy, I haven't seen your friend, Fred the toy bunny lately. How is he?"

I burped and said, "He was delicious."

I hope I have a better day tomorrow.